When you love someone, you let go? No, you tell!

Don’t let the moment pass you by


Wow, recently a friend, Matilda NY shared a video of an episode of The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon with the gorgeous Nicole Kidman as guest. Starting with a recap on how they met in the early 2000s, Jimmy shared his version of memory upon meeting Nicole. Later, Nicole revealed that she kinda liked him when he was known as a SNL star but due to his lack of response, she got embarrassed and left after an hour and a half. She even thought he was gay. 


Here’s the video:


Oh, wow! Jimmy Fallon really blew a chance to date Nicole Kidman, one of the most beautiful Hollywood Divas. Just because he didn’t think Nicole was interested. Of course, Nicole being a woman, naturally she didn’t feel that she should start the first move. Oh, well, when you look at the video again, you’ll notice how embarrassed both people were, turning completely red; Nicole blended well with her hair, while Jimmy’s red face affected his speech as well.

Aaahhh, doesn’t it remind us of The One That Got Away? Surely, in our lifetime, there was someone whom we totally adored, possibly loved, but due to various circumstances, we never said anything and we just let that person walk out from our lives. 

Actually I wrote about The One That Got Away a couple of years ago and posted it on my Facebook Note. I was actually inspired to write about it after reading ‘Second Chance’ by Jane Green, my Numero Uno British author. Although the title of that FB Note was, ‘Some Things Are Better Left Unsaid‘, but after watching this Jimmy Fallon & Nicole Kidman video, I realized, I should’ve said something.

Here’s an excerpt from my FB Note:


The early inspiration – Jane Green’s Second Chance (Source: Internet)


      Second Chance’ suddenly reminds me of someone. Someone I haven’t been able to see in such a long time. Someone I used to hold so close and dear to my heart. 

       To make things easier, let’s call him S. (There were so many S’s in my life, you’ll have to figure out which one!)

I remember meeting him for the first time at UiTM. It was at one of the events that I was MCing. I did that a lot at university. Hehe, trying to work my way from there.

He was standing at the entrance, in his black suit. I was instantly taken by his good looks and persona. In fact, I remember there were butterflies in my stomach. Oh, my God! Didn’t that feel so good?



Some people fall in love at first sight (Source: Internet)

Then, Mr. Gorgeous walked towards me. 2 feet away from me, he extended his hand with a smile. I reached for it and the butterflies just flapped harder and faster in my stomach. 

Hi, I’m S, from XXX Faculty,” he said, introducing himself.

I smiled back. I hope I didn’t look embarrassed or embarrassing at that time. “Paris, from Mass Comm Faculty”.



One of The Ultimate Paris’s Boyfriend Material (Source: Internet)


I thought he was more than just his looks. I mean, hey, he’s a guy my best girlfriend, Azie would call, “The Ultimate Paris’s Boyfriend Material”. For details, please refer Azie, haha!


And that was how it all began. We exchanged numbers and e-mail accounts. Well, back then, we had Friendster. (So, now you know how long ago this was, donkey years, I tell you!)

S knew he was good-looking without being cocky. He was funny without trying so hard to make me laugh. He was brilliant, yet he did not make one feel stupid with him. He was just being himself.

We hit it off immediately. We would SMS each other. Sometimes, commented on each other’s profile. We would meet up for drinks and talked about almost everything. He was the reason why at one point I got a bit smarter. I had to read more just to stay connected to him. The more I knew, the more I could meet him for so-called smart conversations. Meaning, more time spent together. Politics, current issues, health, gossips, my god! I read it all for S.

He was a real gentleman. Even when the chance permitted it, even when I was dreading for it…. S never touched me. Not even my hand when we were talking, not even my forearm when he opened the door for me, not even my hair when a dry leaf was stuck on it… But he touched me so deeply inside, I knew he was one of the most important pieces in my life.



I won’t break any friendship for love (Source: Internet)


But of course, I couldn’t deny the existence of a girlfriend at that time. Yeah, a girl. Quite decent, but most of my friends would say, I was the better catch. Haha! Can you blame me? 5-foot-6? Already (secretly) gracing some magazines and modelling for calendars? MC of events? Not famous at my own faculty, but definitely a diva at the other schools? Haha!

So, that was how we were, S and I. Close but he was attached to her. I respected that. I wouldn’t do anything to come between them. Yes, Miss Paris Ashiqin who changed boyfriends more often than clothes actually wouldn’t break a relationship so that she could get the boy. Much unknown to people, I am also capable of falling in love so sincerely and so loyal when in a relationship.

I moved on. Dating other guys as I didn’t think, moping over S, wishing, hoping, thinkin’ and praying (my favourite song from ‘My Best friend’s Wedding!) that he’d leave the other girl for me. 



Wishin’, hopin’, thinkin’ and prayin’ for the
right one to come along (Source: Internet)


Some guys I liked, some I went out with for the sakes of being Miss Paris Ashiqin. Some guys lasted months. Some guys lasted 2 days. Some did not make it past the first date. (I know, Azie will be laughing reading this and she’ll start jotting down their names, haha!)

But I always had S close and he was the best friend. 

Then, I was introduced to M. Not quite “The Ultimate Paris’s Boyfriend Material” but he was funnier than S, taller than S, in a way cuter than S, had a crazy smile… and by God, those buns looked soooo damn hot, I had to restrain myself from molesting him. M was just so adorable. 



M was my Tom Welling, rather nerdy but cute
with a BIG heart (Source: Internet)



A year passed and M and I were going well fabulously. We had talks about marriage and kids and spending the rest of our lives together. I was completely madly in love with M. Azie liked him too. She thought he was THE ONE. I knew he was THE ONE.

An SMS one night sort of shook my foundation a bit. 


Congrats, didn’t know you have a bf!” It read. Short but piercing like a knife straight into my chest.

It was from S. I did not know what I felt exactly at that time. S and I were drifting apart. I was no longer on campus and he was finishing his stuff. Of course, there were still SMSes between us. Like once a month?

I replied the SMS, stating what I thought he needed to know. Which was, not much. I wasn’t going to tell him too much. Leaving it to fate is what I do best.

Then, a couple of weeks later, S asked to meet up. I hesitated at first, but he was my best friend, I couldn’t just leave him. Besides, he did say it was urgent. 

We met in Shah Alam and had drinks after what may seem like a hundred years. Ice-breaking never felt so long, haha. The compulsory ‘hey, how you’ve been?’, ‘hey, you look different’… blah blah blah. 



Yes, some people are worth melting for (Source: Internet)


Then, S told me, he broke up with his girlfriend. Caught her cheating on him. Wow, for a girl one might say 100 times more decent than Miss Paris Ashiqin, she was refreshing. S told me about the unexplained absences. The stammers and stutters whenever he surprised her with a visit. Suddenly her cellphone became a national treasure. 


S looked at me. “You knew it was bound to happen, right?” he asked me.

I just shrugged and told him. “Babe, I’m your best friend. Best friends don’t break relationships of other best friends. That was just pure evil,” I said.

He went on and on, expressing his frustrations. I listened half-heartedly. It was all over and done with, I thought, which remained as my inner monologue. 

You know, I had the biggest crush on you when I first met you,” S said suddenly with a chuckle.


That line left me staring blankly at him. Oh, my God! Why was that happening at that time? I did not need that. I did not need to be reminded of how very much in love I was with S. I needed that 2 years ago, dammit!


He knows he can’t let something so beautiful go (Source: Internet)


When I finally managed to compose myself, I giggled, like I always do when I tried to cover something. “How could you say that? I’m your best friend, silly. Best friends don’t say that to bestfriends,” I said defensively.

Then, for the first time ever, S reached for my hand. “Of course, you are. But I can’t lie to myself. I’ve always thought you were fun and amazing. You were YOU! And I’ve always loved you from a distance,” he said.



Perhaps I should have said something (Source: Internet)



Loved me? Loved me? Loved me? “Loved me?” came a blurt from my mouth. (Peachy red lippie was my colour at that time! Haha!)

S laughed. “I think so. You know why she was jealous of you, right? I mean, hey, even my friends thought you were hot,” he went on. “I guess it’s okay to tell you now that you’re getting engaged. Not that anything’s gonna change in that department, right?”

It would if you had told me 2 years ago! I would be you I’m getting engaged to and not someone else! It would be you and you alone that I want to spend the rest of my life with…. 

And yet, nothing came out of that nature. I couldn’t possibly hurt M for S. 

My instinct at that time told me to squeeze his hand and tell him that I felt the same way about him. But, the ring on my finger at that time froze all my movements. 

The ring on my finger… the ring on my finger… flashing its gold colour right into my eyes, reminding me there was a guy by the name M, waiting for me at another part of the world. 

I’d so love to stay and chat, babe, but I’ve got something coming up,” I told S as I rose from my seat. 



Some love stories are just not meant to be (Source: Internet)



Aah, always the busy bee Miss Paris,” S said, which put a temporary smile on my face. He always knew the right things to say. The nicknames he gave me. ‘Always the crazy beautiful Miss Paris’…. ‘Always the funny bunny Miss Paris’…. ‘Always the sexy notty never bitchy Miss Paris’…. S was my Sunshine for months, and I hoped he knew he meant something to me.

Goodbye had never felt so painful. I felt tears welling up my eyes.

Driving from Shah Alam to KL had never been more adventurous, too! 160 km per hour was made easy with my mum’s MPV because:

a) it was designed for speed and precision! (Yeayyy, Naza Ria!)
b) I was confused and crushed by S’s confession
c) I do not cheat on the guy I love so, S’s confession was out of question.
d) I needed to get away from all those shitty things that might’ve happened if I stayed longer with S


I reached home and called M. I needed to hear his voice. I needed assurance that he was still THE ONE. I didn’t tell him about S, though. I didn’t think, he’d be able to handle that fact either. 

You know how some people said that some loves are meant to be, and some are not? Well, I had talk with some random not-so-close friends of mine. They threw in ideas. Some said, leave M and go for S. Some said, stick with M and let S figure out his own feelings. Some said, give myself more time to think.

And I did what I do best.

Yes, leaving things to fate. If it was meant to be, S would always have me. 



Sometimes fate has a cruel sense of humour when
it comes to love (Source: Internet)


And things were left at that. S moved on. I moved forward. We did not keep in touch with things the way we used to. Perhaps, it was best that way.

Well, so I thought. 2 years down the road with M, things got rocky between us. My job at that time left me with barely enough time to get some shut-eye. Almost no time to see M regularly.

Things got really bad when he finally said one line that I swore on my own life, I’d never forget. Suddenly, I didn’t think growing old with M was a good thing. Suddenly, the thought of seeing his face for the next 60 years was just unbearable.

I couldn’t sleep. I couldn’t focus. I wondered, how did I manage to get up and go to work.

I was shamelessly seen crying at the most unorthodox places…. Yes, including a mamak stall. I was in a wreck, I felt the world was tumbling down. I didn’t even go home for weeks, staying at a friend for comfort and flooding her bed like it was nobody’s business.

One night when I was nursing what I might call a never-ending headache, my phone rang. It was an unknown number. I thought it was one of my clients calling. Yes, I had to entertain their calls at night when a piece of proposal and a sales pitch were not enough to make them sign the advertising agreement. The bigger the money they invested, the bigger my commission, haha!



Love has many faces, maybe in the face of someone
so familiar to you (Source: Internet)



Babe, are you okay?” came a question from one voice I swore I would recognize anytime, anywhere. 

I cried more and more. S’s voice had never sounded so good to me before. My knight in shining armour. 

It was horrible! I didn’t even see it coming. I didn’t think, he’d say something nasty to me like that!” I think I practically screamed every word at S. And S, with the best shoulder to cry on, understood my situation.

S said, he heard from one of his juniors from UiTM. Yeah, it was quite big news wasn’t it? Miss Paris and her mysterious Mr. M decided to split and travel on separate roads. 

S, as usual, said all the right things. Things I wanted to hear and things I needed to hear. It felt so good instantly. S made me laugh and smile again, all in one night, all in one telephone conversation.

S, I’m going to run into a huge bill soon. Let’s meet up, have coffee somewhere they don’t mind seeing a mad b***h from hell crying her eyeballs out,” I suggested. “Besides, I miss you!”

There was a pause on the other end. Oh-oh, not good!



Is he or she worth all your pain and sacrifices? (Source: Internet)



I miss you too, Paris,” S finally said. “But, I can’t because I’ve promised my girlfriend I’ll take her shopping for raya. I know, raya is still months away….”

Girlfriend? My heart dropped to my feet and rolled into the longkang right next to my friend’s apartment. Yup, the big old ‘HANCUR HATI’ theme song suddenly played in the background. After that word, everything else just did not register in my head. I didn’t even know how I managed to say something intelligent throughout the conversation. 

S told me to be strong. He said, I should be patient. He said, M would come to his senses. He said, M would regret leaving me. He said, M would beg me to come back any time soon.


All the sudden, M did not seem important to me anymore. At that point of time, I just felt a sudden revelation, I needed to pick up pieces of my shattered heart and glue them back together, FAST! 

Love might be right in front of you all along (Source: Internet)

I wiped my tears away. “S, I promise you, I won’t make you worry about me anymore. I promise, I’ll be the good old Miss Paris you know. Just give me a few days to come around. Thanks a lot for being there for me,” I said to him softly.

Hey, I’m your best friend. That’s what I’ve signed my life for, to serve you with life-long friendship and lots of love,” he said. Now, he was being funny again.

Yes, you were the best friend. 

We said our goodbyes. I started packing up my stuff. I missed my bed, I missed my TV, I missed my kitchen, I missed my old self again. I went to the washroom and washed my face. You, the old hag in the mirror, get out of my life, pronto!

Epilogue

So what happened to our friendship? 

Well, S is still happily married with children and I’m still me. Many years after our last encounter, we drifted apart and I don’t blame him. I don’t think his wife will understand our friendship without feeling jealous or overprotective. 



To The One That Got Away, wherever you are, you’ll always be special to me. So, the next time, I meet someone who makes my heart skip a beat, I’ll do some digging first and then, execute Operation Snagging Mr. Right!  


How’s this for Mr Right? (Source: Internet)



So, how to execute Operation Snagging Mr. Right? Well, I was checking www.thedatereport.com, Scott Alden and Chiara Atik listed 50 Ways to Tell Someone You Like Them (Without Just Telling Them)

1. Touch your face and hair when you’re talking to them.

2. Touch them, casually, on the arm or knee when you’re talking to them.

3. Laugh at their jokes. 

4. Touch their arm or knee when you laugh at their jokes.

5. Notice when their glass is empty, and always offer to fill it up or get them another.

6. Make eye contact from across the room at parties, smile.  

7. If you get an inside joke going between just the two of you, bring it up as much as possible. Never let it die. 

8. Say their name when you’re talking to them. (It’s true! People thrill at the sound of their own name — especially when uttered by someone they’re interested in.)

9. Find a common enemy: another party guest, an annoying guy at the bar, a broken jukebox, the lack of pizza joints in this part of town. It’s you two against the world.

10. If they mention an ex, or a date gone bad, tell them that they’re too good for that person, anyway.

What’s the other 40? Well, read more here.


Some friends do end up together in the end (Source: Internet)



See you in the next confession!

All my love, XOXO,

Miss Paris

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